"I see who I want to be, in my daughter's eyes."

Ever Lucy Kugler
March 6th, 2012 2:00 pm
6 pounds 6 ounces 19 inches long

What a ride this past 12 hours has been! We checked in to the hospital 3 hours early to get my iv started and get the ball rolling. My c section was scheduled for 2 pm and I thought for sure the next 3 hours were going to drag, especially since "hospital time" always runs way behind anyway. Boy was I WRONG! Before I knew it they were in telling me, "We're running ahead of schedule so we're going to take you in and get started right away." HOLY SHIT. No time to stop and think about anything, which was probably a good thing. Before I knew it the spinal block was done and we were about to meet our new baby. Again, there wasn't much time to think or get emotional. I started to choke up and cry a little because let's face it--I just kinda wanted my mom. Yes, 26 years old and I wanted my mom. Well, there was no time for those thoughts so I pushed forward.

The next 15 minutes as they began the c section started to drag. I was anxious, nervous, excited, and scared but before I knew it Lee was tearfully telling me we had a daughter. And all I wanted to know is was she ok?! They whisked her off to the next room to get her stats and get her cleaned off, which is when I heard her screaming.. Boy was she giving those doctors a good ass chewing! There was no question, that girl was PISSED. And I couldn't help but smile. That's my little fighter, let them have it baby girl!

They finished my surgery and took me off to recovery. When they were finished with Ever they brought her in to my room to get a quick peak before they headed off to the NICU. Of course I was laying on my back on an uncomfortable cot-like bed and she was in this fancy little incubator so all I could see was tubes and a full head of hair. They had me stick my hand in and touch her little leg and then they were off, promising I'd get to go over to be with her as soon as I could feel my toes.

After the longest hour and a half of my life they wheeled my entire bed over to the Children's Hospital and I got to see my new daughter. That is when I was informed she was born with all of her large and small intestines, stomach, and appendix outside of her body. Nothing could have ever prepared me for that, and I was oddly calm. Now that this beautiful baby was finally here all I could think was "Be strong.. fight.. we've got this." She was breathing on her own and just doing great. I only got to see her for a very short time before they brought me back over to my room. She was being prepped and would head in to surgery shortly after.

We were told she would be in surgery 2-3 hours. In that time they got me settled, had me eat a little, and got me pumping while Lee stayed back in her room in the NICU waiting for her to get out of surgery. In no time at all--literally, an hour and a half maybe--Lee let me know that she was out of surgery and they were able to get everything back in and do the full closure. Amazing.

Which meant I needed to see her, naturally. I asked my nurse and she gave me a look like she didn't think it was a great idea. Now at this point I had full feeling back in my legs and had taken only one dose of pain medication since my surgery. She had already been on my ass more than once about wanting to do everything on my own because I had moved myself from the operating table to my bed without help. After grilling me to make sure I wasn't "fibbing" about being in pain she finally agreed to let me go. She got a wheel chair and as she was trying to get it situated, I was already crawling out of my bed and in to it on my own. She just shook her head and smiled.

Ever is doing wonderful. At this time she has a breathing tube but that is because she is heavily sedated. I got to touch her little hands and feet and get a few pictures and spend a little time with her. They even put a cute little bow on her head! I feel like I have a learned a lifetime worth of lessons all in one day. This child is remarkable--and I'm not saying that just because she is my daughter. She is a fighter and she has filled me with more hope and determination than she could ever imagine.

Tomorrow begins the "long recovery process". I've decided that really just doesn't work for us and that we're going to do our best to beat those odds, she's got a big brother to get home to meet! Thank you for all the prayers, love, and support. We are so blessed to have all of you in our "cheering section" rooting us on. There will be many more updates to come, I promise. We love you all!

The first time I got to see her. You can see the organs and though we do have pictures of them uncovered we have just chosen not to share them at this time. I may later down the road because what those doctors did in just a matter of hours is truly remarkable but for now we will leave it at this.

After surgery..I love her happy little bow!

Our little fighter!

Tiny little feet