"When you are going through something really hard and wonder where God is, remember the teacher is always silent during a test."

Have you ever had to go grocery shopping for your family knowing you won't be there for weeks--possibly months--to even cook for them? That was my test today, to make it through the grocery store without having a nervous breakdown. The stupidest things kept crossing my mind. I hope they still eat vegetables while I'm away and remember to brush their teeth and take vitamins and live off more than chicken nuggets every day. Lee is more than competent and I know they will be just fine. But.. a wife and mother is what I am, with every fiber of my being. Needing and accepting help and sitting back while so many things are left in the hands of others is the ultimate test of faith for me.

Speaking of faith, I was told this weekend by a pastor that it's ok to curse God and be angry with him. He understands and can handle it. Oddly enough, I haven't been angry with God through any of this. I've been angry, yes. But not at God. I keep telling myself I was chosen to have this baby for a reason and I am choosing to interpret it as a blessing, though it may be a very long time before I fully understand the importance of this lesson. Like my grandma would tell me when things weren't so great, "God never gives me more than I can handle. Sometimes I just wish he didn't trust me so much." Amen to that. I've discovered God certainly knows more about my strength than I ever did.

Today I saw Jan for the last time. The fluid was again very low, so I now know more than ever the importance of relocating to Minneapolis very soon. I leave in two days and will be closely monitored until a decision is made on when to deliver. Every time Jan listens to the heartbeat she has to turn the machine down because it's beating so loud. I do believe that's a good sign.

Thanks to all of you I now think we're on every church prayer list in a 60 mile radius. I keep picturing God checking email on a laptop and his inbox over flowing with prayers for BBK2. We couldn't do this alone, so thank you for storming heaven for us. Until next time.. <3