Just For Today
by Sally Meyer
Just for this morning,
I am going to smile when I see your face...
and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning,
I will let you wake up softly in your flannel p.j.'s...
and hold you until you are ready to stir.
Just for this morning,
I will let you choose what you want to wear...
and I will say how beautiful you are.
Just for this morning,
I will step over the laundry to pick you up...
and take you to the park to play
Just for this morning,
I will leave the dishes in the sink...
and let you teach me how to put your puzzle together.
Just for this afternoon,
I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off...
and sit with you in the garden
blowing bubbles.
Just for this afternoon,
I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you
scream and whine for the ice cream truck...
and I will buy you one, if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon,
I won't worry about what you are going to be
when you grow up...
I will simply love you for the joy you bring me
Just for this afternoon,
I will let you help me make cookies...
and I wont stand over you . . . trying to 'fix things.'
Just for this afternoon,
I will take you to McDonald's and buy us both a 'Happy Meal'...
so you can have two toys.
Just for this evening,
I will hold you in my arms and tell you the story of how you
were born...
and how much we love you.
Just for this evening,
I will let you splash in the bathtub...
and I won't get angry when you pour water over your sister's
head.
Just for this evening,
I will let you stay up late...
while we sit on the porch swing
and count all the stars.
Just for this evening,
I will bring you glasses of water...
and snuggle beside you for hours...
and miss my favorite t.v. show.
And tonight when you are sleeping safe and warm in your bed,
I will think of the mothers and fathers
who mourn for the children they have lost.
I will remember the parents who sit by hospital beds,
watching over the little ones they love.
I will weep for those parents whose children are cold,
hungry and suffering,
and .... this evening,
when I kneel down to pray,
I will simply be grateful for all that I have
and not ask for anything...
except just one more day.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Almost The End, But Just The Beginning..
Today I had what was supposed to be my last appointment with Jan. The amniotic fluid is right at the edge of the absolute cutoff for what is considered to be too low. Since it's not actually under that number and I am leaving next week for Minneapolis anyway she just added one more ultrasound before I go to be extra careful rather than sending me today.
It is all finally sinking in that I'm leaving in literally no time at all. Sunday I spent the afternoon in Garrison with all my family and that will be the last time I see any of them until I return home with a healthy baby sometime in the future. That's when it all really hit me. I cried myself to sleep Sunday night and have spent every moment since then attached to Easton like an extra appendage. Yesterday was truly terrible. Ok, not actually terrible since I'm home and we're all alive and well.. but I could hardly look at Easton without bursting in to hysterical sobs. Thank God for Skype, right? I also gave him the recordable book "All The Ways I Love You" and recorded my voice reading it with a special bed time message so I will still be able to read to him every night even though I won't actually be there. I keep telling myself that he's had me all to himself for 2 years and now BBK2 needs me to him/herself for a few months. It's a comforting thought, but the ache in my heart is still great.
Once again, I want to thank all of you for the overwhelming support. I think we are on every church prayer list in an 80 mile radius and I completely feel like we have our very own cheering squad. I just believe in my heart that God wouldn't ignore this many people. Next week I will be leaving for Minneapolis alone, but because of all you I don't feel quite so alone at all. Until next time.. <3
How I have been spending the rest of my days..
My little Picasso
A special Valentine present we made for Dad
It is all finally sinking in that I'm leaving in literally no time at all. Sunday I spent the afternoon in Garrison with all my family and that will be the last time I see any of them until I return home with a healthy baby sometime in the future. That's when it all really hit me. I cried myself to sleep Sunday night and have spent every moment since then attached to Easton like an extra appendage. Yesterday was truly terrible. Ok, not actually terrible since I'm home and we're all alive and well.. but I could hardly look at Easton without bursting in to hysterical sobs. Thank God for Skype, right? I also gave him the recordable book "All The Ways I Love You" and recorded my voice reading it with a special bed time message so I will still be able to read to him every night even though I won't actually be there. I keep telling myself that he's had me all to himself for 2 years and now BBK2 needs me to him/herself for a few months. It's a comforting thought, but the ache in my heart is still great.
Once again, I want to thank all of you for the overwhelming support. I think we are on every church prayer list in an 80 mile radius and I completely feel like we have our very own cheering squad. I just believe in my heart that God wouldn't ignore this many people. Next week I will be leaving for Minneapolis alone, but because of all you I don't feel quite so alone at all. Until next time.. <3
How I have been spending the rest of my days..
My little Picasso
A special Valentine present we made for Dad
Gastroschisis Newscast
Here is a news clip of a couple and their son who was also born with gastroschisis. Just click on the "Gastroschisis Newscast" to view it.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Another Angry Blog
Generally when you have an ultrasound, the tech tells you very little. "This is your baby's profile, here's it's little foot, this is it's heartbeat.." and so on. The tech is never the one to tell you "Your baby doesn't have a foot," because they leave that up to the doctor. Well, when you have as many ultrasounds as I do you pick up on terms. You become familiar with numbers and what is kosher. Which is how I knew today that BBK2's amniotic fluid is the lowest it has ever been. So there I am, sitting in the lobby after my ultrasound knowing this information at 4:30 on a Friday afternoon while Jan is over delivering a baby. After 45 minutes of waiting I was starting to panick..Friday afternoon, the end of the day, serious circumstances, doctor in delivery. Yikes. Finally they brought me back, took my blood pressure, and were ready to send in her nurse when she came literally flying in the room still in scrubs and out of breath exclaiming that she promised me she'd see this through and so she got there as fast as she could. I love her. The amniotic fluid is just above cutoff level for delivery, so again we will stay put. Which is when I realized that one more appointment next week is the last I will see of Jan and then I am on my merry way to the cities for the duration of it all.
Now comes the anger. Tonight I feel like a ticking time bomb just ready to explode. In dealing with all of this I'm trying my best to learn how to deal with the responses of people as well. First there are the people who constantly text/call me even though I don't respond. I'm dealing with all of this the absolute best way I know how and sometimes that just means I can't talk about it or that I just don't feel up to talking period--about anything. Then there are the people who you hear almost nothing from at all. There are so many people who have gone above and beyond to reach out to us--some of them people we don't even personally know--and yet then there are members of our own family who show almost no support/concern at all. Thank God for my parents because I have absolutely no idea how we would ever get through this without them. Easton has been one of my biggest concerns and without them just dropping everything to take him in for an unknown amount of time, I have no idea what we would do. And then of course, you have the "always looking on the bright side" people. I am positive. I am optimistic. I am strong. But sometimes you just hit a point where there is absolutely nothing anyone can say, a point where every "look on the bright side" comment feels more like a cruel slap in the face than words of encouragement. And I know everyone means well, I really do. You can just only hear "It's going to be ok...." so many times before you want to put your fist right through a wall. I promise you all I DO know everything is going to be ok. This baby is my blood..he or she WILL be a fighter. And if he/she isn't strong enough to fight..I will do everything in my power to fight for him/her instead. So in the meantime, I will continue pushing forward with a clear, positive mind to the best to my ability. It's almost time to meet little BBK2 and that's when the real fight will begin. Until next time.. <3
Now comes the anger. Tonight I feel like a ticking time bomb just ready to explode. In dealing with all of this I'm trying my best to learn how to deal with the responses of people as well. First there are the people who constantly text/call me even though I don't respond. I'm dealing with all of this the absolute best way I know how and sometimes that just means I can't talk about it or that I just don't feel up to talking period--about anything. Then there are the people who you hear almost nothing from at all. There are so many people who have gone above and beyond to reach out to us--some of them people we don't even personally know--and yet then there are members of our own family who show almost no support/concern at all. Thank God for my parents because I have absolutely no idea how we would ever get through this without them. Easton has been one of my biggest concerns and without them just dropping everything to take him in for an unknown amount of time, I have no idea what we would do. And then of course, you have the "always looking on the bright side" people. I am positive. I am optimistic. I am strong. But sometimes you just hit a point where there is absolutely nothing anyone can say, a point where every "look on the bright side" comment feels more like a cruel slap in the face than words of encouragement. And I know everyone means well, I really do. You can just only hear "It's going to be ok...." so many times before you want to put your fist right through a wall. I promise you all I DO know everything is going to be ok. This baby is my blood..he or she WILL be a fighter. And if he/she isn't strong enough to fight..I will do everything in my power to fight for him/her instead. So in the meantime, I will continue pushing forward with a clear, positive mind to the best to my ability. It's almost time to meet little BBK2 and that's when the real fight will begin. Until next time.. <3
Thursday, February 9, 2012
A Nice Surprise!
Today I was contacted by Teething Bling because they had "caught wind" of my weight loss journey. They featured my story on their blog and I just had to share, I'm pretty excited! Enjoy.
http://www.smartmomjewelry.com/web/module/blog/full/yes/id/19/interior.asp
http://www.smartmomjewelry.com/web/module/blog/full/yes/id/19/interior.asp
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
"When you feel you're drowning in life's situations, remember: your life guard walks on water."
This morning I had another ultrasound. BBK2's amniotic fluid has gone up a tiny bit, which is some good news! That means we get to stay put until Friday's ultrasound at least. Unfortunately the amount of intestines outside the body keeps getting bigger and bigger by the appointment, but at this point we'll take it over needing to deliver so early. So far they look good and healthy, so that is also more good news. As long as they don't become inflamed or twisted, that shouldn't provide any real issues. The main concern with that is that now when we deliver, there is a good chance the baby won't be ready for surgery right away. What happens in these situations when the amount of intestines outside the body is too big to be put back in right away is they will create a small silo to "house" the intestines and will slowly feed them back in to the body a tiny bit each day until they can finally do surgery to close the hole back up. This, of course will push back recovery time but again--it's better to deal with that than preemie lungs at this point.
Today I am feeling better. Exhausted, but better. Who knew that something emotional could phsyically drain a person so much? This hanging out in limbo of the unknown from day to day has been sucking so much out of me. Lee has been so great about everything, letting me sleep in every day and making sure I follow my "rules of bed rest" as much as possible--though I'm not very good about obeying when it comes to that. Bed rest is for the birds, I tell ya. Nothing worse than having so much on your mind and then being instructed to lay in bed all day.
At first I kept asking myself why, but now I ask myself why not. I can do this. I have fears of the situation--but no doubts. That's good, right? I keep telling myself it's ok to be a little scared since I know in the end we'll knock this one out of the park and bring home a healthy, happy baby.
And I want to take a moment to thank all of you who are reading this and following our story. As I type these posts, I feel this baby and what we are going through consuming me. All your thoughts and prayers and kind words mean more than any of you will ever know and it pushes me to just keep on fighting. Many of you I have never even met and the support I have gotten has been above and beyond what I could have ever imagined. I would never be able to do this without such a great support system and for that I will forever be grateful for each and every one of you. Until next time.. <3
"When you feel you're drowning in life's situations, remember: your life guard walks on water."
I have not only a head in my ribs but a little foot as well, while the other foot is soundly on my bladder. I can't imagine that being very comfortable, perhaps I'm carrying a ballerina.. :)
Today I am feeling better. Exhausted, but better. Who knew that something emotional could phsyically drain a person so much? This hanging out in limbo of the unknown from day to day has been sucking so much out of me. Lee has been so great about everything, letting me sleep in every day and making sure I follow my "rules of bed rest" as much as possible--though I'm not very good about obeying when it comes to that. Bed rest is for the birds, I tell ya. Nothing worse than having so much on your mind and then being instructed to lay in bed all day.
At first I kept asking myself why, but now I ask myself why not. I can do this. I have fears of the situation--but no doubts. That's good, right? I keep telling myself it's ok to be a little scared since I know in the end we'll knock this one out of the park and bring home a healthy, happy baby.
And I want to take a moment to thank all of you who are reading this and following our story. As I type these posts, I feel this baby and what we are going through consuming me. All your thoughts and prayers and kind words mean more than any of you will ever know and it pushes me to just keep on fighting. Many of you I have never even met and the support I have gotten has been above and beyond what I could have ever imagined. I would never be able to do this without such a great support system and for that I will forever be grateful for each and every one of you. Until next time.. <3
"When you feel you're drowning in life's situations, remember: your life guard walks on water."
I have not only a head in my ribs but a little foot as well, while the other foot is soundly on my bladder. I can't imagine that being very comfortable, perhaps I'm carrying a ballerina.. :)
Friday, February 3, 2012
We Acquire The Strength We Have Overcome
Well, here we are--back from our emergency Minneapolis trip. Originally we were sent because the hole in BBK2's abdomen had grown considerably in only a week's time. After having a level 2 ultrasound done, that proved to be true as well as the fact that there are indeed new loops of intestines outside the hole. However, that is no longer our biggest concern. The baby has become low on amniotic fluid. She sent me home today on the condition that I will need two ultrasounds a week and if the amniotic situation has not gotten any better by Tuesday's appointment, it's back to Minneapolis to proceed with immediate delivery. Realistically the LAST thing we want at this point is to deliver a baby in this condition 2 months early, so if it DOES get better I will continue with ultrasounds twice a week and then be expected to relocate to the Minneapolis February 22nd and proceed from there with delivery plans rather than waiting until the first week of March. Either way I was given permission to take Easton to Mickey On Ice tomorrow, otherwise it's bed rest for me. Really, bed rest? With a two year old? Please. Like that's even possible.
How much can one be expected to swallow in one week? I am about as emotionally drained as I've ever been, and the hard stuff hasn't even hit yet. All this day-to-day "unknown" is really doing a number on us. I could be having a much-too-early-gastroschisis-baby in 5 days, I could be having a baby in 3 weeks--and have to be "prepared" at a moment's notice for whatever comes at us. And then of course you have to factor in the drive to the cities and unknown length of time away from Easton. Part of me thinks I'd rather just have this baby and then fight, rather than trying to fight this battle where I feel like I am continually sinking in bad news no matter what I do. But here I am, reminding myself.. Ashleigh, you've got two choices. You can beat this with a negative attitude or you can beat this with a positive one. I choose to be positive. We're just going to roll with it. In the mean time, I'm going to enjoy my "doctor ordered lazy snuggle time" with my little sunshine. Until next time.. <3
How much can one be expected to swallow in one week? I am about as emotionally drained as I've ever been, and the hard stuff hasn't even hit yet. All this day-to-day "unknown" is really doing a number on us. I could be having a much-too-early-gastroschisis-baby in 5 days, I could be having a baby in 3 weeks--and have to be "prepared" at a moment's notice for whatever comes at us. And then of course you have to factor in the drive to the cities and unknown length of time away from Easton. Part of me thinks I'd rather just have this baby and then fight, rather than trying to fight this battle where I feel like I am continually sinking in bad news no matter what I do. But here I am, reminding myself.. Ashleigh, you've got two choices. You can beat this with a negative attitude or you can beat this with a positive one. I choose to be positive. We're just going to roll with it. In the mean time, I'm going to enjoy my "doctor ordered lazy snuggle time" with my little sunshine. Until next time.. <3
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